We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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