At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
