hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
