I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
