Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize