help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
