my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
