this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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