I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
