yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
oh god the rape fog is back!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize