either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He shit in the fireplace
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
