seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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