I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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