I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
