just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
