i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize