Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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