dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My life is pants optional.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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