During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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