I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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