Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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