Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
