I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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