Soap is not a condiment
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
