I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
