ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I need moral support for this bender
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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