Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
