moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Never underestimate the power of titties
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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