Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
