It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
