What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize