I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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