she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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