Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
