By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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