once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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