Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
