just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
