you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
should my penis look like a turkey
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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