I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
