Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
