dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
