i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize