There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
