i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
