hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
