she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
