I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Randomize
