found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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