dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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