someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
