In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
