So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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