1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
