2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You smell like stripper and shame
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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