I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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