remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
