I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize