if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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