i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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