My room smells like vodka and shame
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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