it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
