He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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