The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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