we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
