i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
