at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
