I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize