he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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