So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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