I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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