A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
