I don't usually arrange sex via text message
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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