I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
