I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
