Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
