my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I faked an abortion last night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
