I wanna passion pit in your ass
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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