Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
