No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
