No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
