very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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