Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
