I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
