Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
