Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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