11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
