I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
