between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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