thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
