My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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