ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I wear drunk well.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
