I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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