Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
