Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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