oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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