I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
