Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
