i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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