okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Drunk is not a location!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
