you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
