so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
