Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
