problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
