I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
