Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
