i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
