dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
