He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
