Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
